letters at war
by xCaligula
Summary: When Eddie went to war, he got letters from women that he did not know.
When Eddie went to war, he got letters from women that he did not know. He was not close to his family and he would be surprised if they even knew where he was, and he did not have any friends. Letters were not something that he had been expecting, so when they began to come, he was very confused until he read the first. Then, it all made sense to him.

He was young- barely eighteen now- and somewhat handsome and he had been popular as a hero back in New York, and he was being used as a symbol in the war. His presence in the Pacific was public knowledge and now there were young, American women sending him love letters to try to offer him some sort of comfort or encouragement.

 _Dear Comedian,_

 _When I think of you at war, I am both happy and sad. I am happy knowing that we can count on heroes like you to fight for our country. I've always admired you and I admire you so much more now. But I'm also sad because I know it must be so very lonely for you and I wish that someone like me could be there to keep you company. I think you are very handsome and heroic._

 _Sincerely,_

 _Betsy Prince_

She even included a photograph and she wasn't bad looking, with shiny dark hair, but she was no Sally. He hated that he couldn't look at a woman or sleep with a woman without thinking about Sally when he had blown his chance with her so terribly and when he had not seen her in two damn years. By now, he should be over her, but he wasn't. Even now, reading a letter from an eager, beautiful stranger, he could not get Sally out of his mind.

 _Dear Comedian_ ,

 _I know we've never met, but I know in my heart that I am madly in love with you. When you come home from war, and you absolutely_ must _come home from war, I'd like the chance to meet you so that I can prove to you that we are meant to be. I love you and I hope that you will learn to love me as well._

 _Love,_

 _Cindy Parker_

This girl was much less subtle than some of the others, and her hair in her photograph was light. Most likely blonde, but he caught himself imagining her with Sally's red hair and wondered if he would like her more if that were the case. He groaned, tossing the letter aside and mentally cursing his fixation with one woman when he was too damn young to be so hung up on someone.

It had been worse since he had left the country, he knew. He had always compared the women he spent time with to Sally, but there were women to be with and a home to take them back to. Here, he had nothing but letters and an uncomfortable place to read them and sleep, and the letters really didn't mean anything at all.

Thinking about Sally had gotten worse because back before he ruined everything, she had been the closest thing he'd had to a friend and now the only people who sent him letters, the only people who took the time to do something like that, were complete strangers. These girls didn't know him, and if he did, they wouldn't like him, and he knew that they wouldn't like him. It wasn't like he ever changed, and even on the days when he was able to think about it objectively and realize how terrible he was, he knew that he was always going to be that way.

Never would he receive a letter from a real friend, because he didn't have any of those, and never would he receive a letter from the parents he had run away from when he was just fifteen. Even if he had never left home, he doubted they would have thought to write to him often. He didn't like feeling sorry for himself, but there were times that even he regretted how much he had alienated himself from everyone he met. Eddie was only eighteen, but already he had pushed away so many chances at companionship that he could not count them all.

 _Comedian,_

 _It would make me very happy if you wrote back but I understand if you can't. I think you're an amazing person and you always make me smile. If we write to each other, I hope I can make you smile too._

 _Sincerely,_

 _Pam Green_

She did not enclose a photograph, so it was one less thing he had to throw out, one less thing to disappoint him. He wouldn't write back to any of them because there wasn't anything to say, and he had abysmal spelling anyway. His grades had been terrible before he quit attending school. Otherwise, maybe the temptation to write to Sally rather than wishing one of these stupid letters were from her would have been greater, but even so, he knew he wouldn't have done it.

She was better off without him, wasn't she? He had fucked up pretty bad, and even if he had blamed her at the time for pushing him, it hadn't taken him long to start to think that he had played a part in things getting out of hand. It was his temper that had lead to him hurting her, regardless of if she had really lead him on or if he had imagined it or if she had just been having an off day or if he had.

So the letters kept coming in and he kept swallowing his desire for them to be from someone real, and he kept reading them and laughing at them and tossing them out like they were nothing while his comrades told him how jealous they were. They all wished they could get letters upon letters from girls, but that was what happened to men like him, while the ordinary guys sat on the side.

But he had a war to win, and so did they, and all the letters were good for were a laugh during the hard times. What did having a few strangers back home pining for him do for them? What did any of them having anyone back home, a girl or a friend or family, do for them out here? They had job to do and none of that stuff mattered, and it was during that time that he began to really become comfortable with the fact that he would always be a loner. As long as he had something like this to keep him busy, as long as there was something more important, he didn't need anyone.

When all of this was over, he'd find something else to keep him busy. They'd made such use of him out here that he was sure there'd be some sort of job offer waiting for him back home. If he kept up the good work, he'd be better off than he ever was in the Minutemen and better off than all of them. And if he still couldn't forget Sally, maybe she'd see him differently once he was the one at the top, and maybe he'd start getting letters from someone he actually gave a shit about.

But for now he still tried to forget about her and he threw out the letters from the girls he didn't know and he kept fighting, until everyone in the United States knew the Comedian to be a war hero.


End file.
